Divorce is a fork in the road you never thought you would get to. Separation and divorce is the reality though, and you’re seeing the intense emotional, financial, and personal challenges that it can bring. For many men, the process of navigating through a divorce can feel isolating. You might have expectations as a man to keep it together and hold feelings inside, rather than work through them. The road to healing moving forward and healing after divorce however, is about getting support, embracing what you might learn about yourself, and transitioning to the next phase in your life. This guide offers practical advice and emotional insights for men going through divorce.

Here are a few of the common feelings men might be experiencing because of divorce:

Grief

The end of a marriage can feel like the loss of a part of your identity. You may feel like you're grieving a life that could have been. This is normal, and grief isn't something to avoid. Allow yourself to feel the grief for your relationship and what is lost.

Anger

Anger is often a secondary emotion, masking deeper feelings of hurt or fear. So if anger is coming up for you, try to look at where anger is coming from because there may be more to it. Are there unresolved issues that need to be addressed? Seek ways to channel that energy constructively through physical activity, talking with someone you trust, or having a good cry.

Guilt and Regret

You might be feeling responsible for the end of the relationship and blame yourself for the divorce. While it's important to take responsibility for your actions, don’t carry the weight of guilt alone. Acknowledge your role and learn from the experience, but don't let regret overtake you.

If therapy feels too intimidating, consider joining a support group for men. There may even be a support group out there for men going through divorce in your area. These groups provide a safe, non-judgmental space to share your experiences and hear from others who are going through similar situations. Meeting with others can give your validation that your feelings make sense and that you are not alone.

You might also lean on the people around you to talk about the divorce. Know a friend who went through divorce, but you never really talked about it? I bet he would embrace being able to talk to someone who is going through the same thing. Whoever is in your life that you trust, like a family member or other friend, take the leap to talk about the struggle of the break-up. You may hesitate because you think “I don’t want to burden them,” but more often the people that love us already know we’re struggling and would be happy to be a listening ear.

Sleep and Nutrition

Divorce can wreak havoc on your sleep patterns, and poor sleep can compound your emotional and physical distress. Make sure to prioritize restful sleep and maintain regular meals to keep your energy levels up.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Stress-reducing techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, and meditation can help you stay grounded. If this is not your jam and not already a part of your life, do not worry. I will help you take a small step. Here are two of my favourite introduction to mindfulness exercises: 

• Choose an everyday activity. For this example, I will use washing the dishes. The idea is to practice staying in the present moment. This means focusing on the act of washing the dishes. Notice the temperature of the water, the sensation of scrubbing, the scent of the soap, the sounds of running water, and the repetitive movements. When your mind lingers to something else, as it inevitably will, bring your attention back to the washing of dishes. Try not to judge how many times your mind lingers because this is like working a new muscle. Being in the present moment takes practice.

• Choose a moving object. For this example, I will use passing clouds. Imagine clouds in the sky. They are slowly passing through, as all clouds do. Now imagine that these clouds are your thoughts. Often we get stuck on an idea or thought and tether our minds to it. This is a practice of letting them go like a passing cloud. Like all thoughts and feelings, eventually it will pass. Let it!

Why do these types of mindfulness exercises? These practices can help you feel more in control of your thoughts and feelings post-divorce. They are exercises to show you that you do not have to get caught up in your head, can stay present, can be less distracted, and don’t have to be afraid of the thoughts and feelings that are causing you stress.

Here are a few ways men can start to have personal growth post-divorce:

Learn from the Experience

Reflect on the relationship, both the positives and the negatives. What lessons can you take away? How can these lessons help you in future relationships, and in your personal life overall?

Set New Goals

Whether it’s advancing your career, learning a new skill, or starting a new hobby, now is the perfect time to focus on your goals. Channel your energy into positive pursuits that bring you fulfillment and purpose.

Reconnect with Yourself

Use this time to rediscover things that bring you joy. Reconnect with friends, explore activities you enjoy, or focus on self-care. The post-divorce period is an opportunity to regain a sense of independence and rediscover what makes you happy.

Communication

Open, respectful communication with your ex-spouse is essential. Try to keep interactions focused on the children, and avoid bringing emotional baggage into discussions. If you need more closure or help with communication, you might ask your ex-spouse to go to counselling or therapy to do some healing and learning together. As well, you might seek a professional to help you with co-parenting and communicating the barriers you might face to harmony.

Consistency

Children thrive on stability, so maintaining consistency in your routines and approach to parenting is crucial. Work with your ex-spouse to set expectations and rules that both of you can enforce. Find a new normal for routines and parenting transitions if there are separate homes, so the kids can have predictability. 

Patience

The transition to co-parenting can be difficult for everyone involved. Give yourself and your children time to adjust. Kids can be resilient and adjust to the new situation, as long as you maintain respect and healthy collaboration with your ex-spouse. 

Remember: Your relationships are an opportunity to role-model effective communication, respect, and healthy relationship dynamics to your children. This includes what a healthy break-up looks like. This is what matters most when considering how much of a negative impact it will have on your kids.

Instead of jumping into a relationship post-divorce, try:

Self-Reflection

Spend time understanding the patterns and behaviors that played a role in the breakdown of your marriage. This self-reflection will not only help you heal but also ensure you are ready for healthier relationships in the future. If you struggle with how to do this, counselling and psychotherapy are a way to have an outside observer make those connections with you.

Enjoy Single Life

Embrace the freedom that comes with being single. Enjoy spending time with friends, pursuing new hobbies, or simply enjoying solitude. You are building the foundation for your next chapter. Needing to fill the void quickly with a new spouse might be a sign that those other areas of your life, like friends or hobbies, are unfulfilled. Try to focus on those areas first. You will be a better partner for it in the future.

Final thoughts on men navigating divorce:

Try to strive for the glass is half full mentality. There is loss, grief, and healing to be done, but divorce can be a new beginning. While the journey may seem daunting at times, it’s important to remember that growth can come from adversity. With time, patience, and the right support, you will emerge stronger, wiser, and ready to embrace new experiences.

For many men, divorce represents a major turning point. It’s not easy to let go of the life you had, but it can be the start of something better. By acknowledging your feelings, getting support, taking care of yourself, and embracing growth, you can transform this challenging experience into an opportunity.

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.