Tips for managing irritability at work.

You are doing the best you can. Going to work to put in your best effort, but you step on the property and your shoulders go up, you feel your muscles tense, and you feel irritated though nothing has really happened yet. Not managing your irritability can lead to issues with co-workers, productivity, and impact your personal relationships. Let’s talk about some ways to manage your irritability in the moment at your workplace.

Shift Focus

Irritability can intensify or last longer when we focus on it. It’s tough, I know. This thing keeps going around and around in your head, how do you step off the carousel? 

First is to decide where to focus. You could choose:

• Your current work task. When your focus wanders away, come right back. And again. And again.

• Your breath. Take deep, long breaths. Try breathing in for 4 seconds, hold it in for up to 7 seconds, and breathing out through your mouth for 8 seconds. Notice the sensations of belly, or the whistling of your nose.

• An object or sound. Try watching the hands of the clock, the trees blowing in the breeze outside your window, or ticking of the keyboards. 

While focusing on these other things, thoughts of the thing that caused the upset will inevitably creep back into your head. Try visualizing:

• Pushing the thought or feeling aside, putting the worry in a box for later.

• Watching the thought move past like a passing cloud.

• The feeling washing over you all the way to the tips of your toes and fingers, rather than resisting it or holding it in your chest or belly where it usually lives.

Positive Reminders

Our irritability can overtake us at times. It can limit our thinking, like only focusing on the negative. In these moments of irritability you can practice purposefully identifying positive things to try to curb the intensity of irritability. This could be:

• I am doing my best right now.

• My office chair is pretty comfortable.

• I can see nature outside my window. It brings sunlight, breeze, and birds chirping.

• I get along with my co-worker X well. We are able to talk about ideas and opinions without feeling fear of repercussions.

• The hours of my work are much better than it was a few years ago.

Reminder also to not discount the little things that are positive. Like, “I am the best employee in this place” vs. “I am doing my best in this position” or “I love this office environment” vs. “My chair is pretty comfortable”. Finding little positives is healthy because otherwise we are always looking to the future to our goals or bigger and better things, which can cause consistent feelings of being unsatisfied. Also, if you have greater goals and desire for changes: it’s a journey, enjoy the ride the best you can.

Mindset Shifts

This plays off the last tip of positive reminders. Rather than identifying the good though, let’s look at how shifting the way we think about something can provide some relief from irritability. Some examples:

• My co-worker was short with me. =

Someone’s mood is more complicated than I can know. There are other things in their day or life that could be making them feel on edge. 

• This job is not where I want to be. =

This is where I am right now. I can start to make changes in order to work towards a job I feel more fulfilled in. For now, let’s get this pay cheque.

• This job is high stress and asking more from me than I can provide. =

I will only provide what is in my capacity to give. Self-sacrifice is not in this job description.

Take Breaks

I’ll assume this is built into your workday, but what are you doing with this time? Are you continuing to work through or scrolling social media? Don’t do that. Depending on the kind of work you do, it may mean taking a seat and doing some relaxation or for those stuck at desk this means get up. Walk outside if you can, do some arm circles. Our physical and mental exhaustion affects our mood.

Also, if you are irritable right now, it is reasonable to step outside and take a breath outside of the allotted time. Your workplace may not say so, but it is. This is how we prevent a blow-up or make ourselves able to return to our job and do a better job.

Boundaries

It is up to you to know what you need. Boundaries are ways we communicate to others how to be in a relationship with us. This includes our workplace.

One of the reasons you may feel irritable is because your workplace treats you as boundary-less. Teach them otherwise.

When certifying a boundary we can go wrong by allowing the reaction of the other person to dictate how rigid or loose that boundary is. You have to know by your standard whether your boundary is solid “I can’t do that no matter what”, or “I can only do that if….”, rather than “they are upset so I guess I can do that task this one time”.

Setting a boundary at work might look like:

• I would of course do that task. My plate is really full today though. Is this task a greater priority so I know which to attend to and which can wait?

• I won’t be spoken to that way. I am going to step away right now and we can talk about it at a later time.

• I don’t work past 5.

• I can work past 5 if I am compensated and my partner can pick up the kids.

• That task is outside of my job description. I would be open to attending to it if I had supervision from another staff as a learning opportunity.

• I don’t talk work on my personal time. I would be happy to talk about this on my work phone in work hours. Shoot me an email and I’ll get back to you when I am in the office.

To be clear, any of this is appropriate. And how flexible you want to be with your boundaries depends. For example, if you have to pick-up your kids and have no one in the world to help you, that boundary is appropriately rigid. But having no boundary at all leaves it completely up to the other person/workplace to decide what is good for you.

Long-term adjustments

Sometimes there’s ways to make changes to improve your mood in the long-term. Consider:

Taking better care of yourself overall.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself outside of work, like enough sleep, food, and movement. This can make the irritation of the workplace more tolerable and make us more resilient when things don’t go our way.

Change jobs.

You do not owe your employer. You can value them, appreciate them, and be grateful for opportunity that you have had. Do not feel obligated to trade your happiness, growth, or self-respect for their convenience in keeping you.

Importantly, if you are in a job for a long time that you hate, but changing is really scary, don’t let that hold you back. Maintaining employment over time tells me you have skills and skills are transferable. You only have one life, go do the thing that makes working more enjoyable.

Sometimes we are in jobs we can’t leave right now, whether it’s because of limited opportunity or the need for money. If this is the case, start making plans.

• Put yourself out there to other positions within your workplace you may like better.

• Communicate to those involved you’re interested, see what needs to be done to get there.

• Talk to someone who has the job you want. What can you learn from their experience? Their trajectory?

• Save up for more school.

• See if there’s other funding sources for employment advancement or training.

See to your home life.

Is there major stuff happening in your life that is seeping into your work life? You may be in a relationship that is not going well, or a family member is sick. This could be a time to make changes to improve your happiness, or a time to cut yourself some slack at work. We all have different capacities at different times in our life. It fluctuates. This doesn’t make you a lesser employee or less productive human.

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.