Strategies of coping with stress.

Stress is a very normal feeling. Stress is your body being alerted to something in need of your attention, like a threat of some sort or motivation to act on something. This is why when we feel overwhelmed by current responsibilities or something is coming up in the near future, your body tries to get you moving by creating a “stress response.” This sounds like a good thing right? Well yeah… until it isn’t. Too much stress is when moments of relief from stress are far and few between.

Too much stress looks like:

• Sleeping difficulties

• Unable to switch off your thoughts

• Physical responses, like digestive issues or headaches

• Irritability 

• Inability to relax, like tense muscles or grinding teeth

• Even challenges with sex drive or performance!

Stress needs to dissipate after it is no longer needed. Hopefully these strategies for coping with stress can help.

3 areas of coping with stress you might want to try:

Mindset

Sometimes how we think about a situation can make it worse.

Instead of telling yourself:

• I never can get it all done no matter how hard I try

• This will never end

• Why can't I just [blank]!? Why can’t they just [blank]!

• Nobody understands what kind of stress I am under

Try talking to yourself in ways that can help shift stressful or negative thoughts.

For example:

• I will do as much as I can and that’s enough.

• I will get through this.

• I can only control what I can and let the other stuff go.

• My stress makes sense. It is okay to feel overwhelmed.

The purpose of shifting the way you talk to yourself is not to invalidate those very real negative and stressful feelings.

The idea behind a mindset shift is to think of other possibilities. We can get narrow-minded when overwhelmed and stressed, and only see situations one way.

Shifting your mindset is challenging yourself to see the same situation in different ways because there is always more than one way to see something.

Self-soothing

When there’s little you can do to change your situation, finding ways to calm your body can provide relief in stressful times.

This is a bit like surrendering to whatever caused the stress and the stress sensations happening in your body. It’s saying, “hey, this stress exists and it is what it is.”

Self-soothing is putting problem-solving on the backburner for now and letting it go. Practice being in the moment, tuning into your body or what is around you. This might look like:

Progressive muscle relaxation

This is an exercise where you isolate various muscles, focus on it, while tensing and releasing. There are many fantastic versions of this online that you can view, like here.

Meditation or other mindfulness practices

Even if you’re not into meditation. There are simple mindfulness exercises that anyone can tackle. You can look on youtube or there are various apps for mindfulness. A quick and easy one I love is the “passing clouds”:

• Get as comfy as you can

• Take a breath to relax

• You will notice thoughts come into your head. Just notice them. Don’t judge them. You are just an observer.

• Imagine those thoughts as passing clouds. You see them, let them pass. You are not tethered to them.

• Your mind will surely wander, that is okay. Just bring yourself back to watching the sky, allowing whatever thoughts or feelings come up to pass.

Deep breaths

Stress can cause you to have more rapid breathing. Trying to slow your breathing can be helpful. You can try something called “box breathing”:

• Again, get as comfy as you can

• Breath in through your nose for 4 counts

• Hold that breath in for 4

• Exhale for 4

• Wait for 4

• And inhale for 4 again

• Repeat as necessary.

Listening to music

Find a relaxing song. Focus on the tune or lyrics and get immersed. When you get distracted by stress thoughts, bring yourself back to the music. (This is also a great mindfulness exercise by the way).

Going in nature

Notice what you see, hear, feel, and smell.

Walking/exercise

Move your body to get the restless energy out.

Problem-solving

Too much stress will definitely mean a need to look at the parts of your life that can be adjusted. This is because stress is sometimes just literally too much on your plate, including tasks/responsibilities and emotionally/mentally.

Some coping strategies are temporary and can get you through the day or week. Sometimes changing your situation though is the key to stress relief. Examples of situations you may need to problem-solve:

Is your current work environment unsupportive and negative?

• Can I speak with my boss about what I need?

• Do I contact my union to address a particular issue?

• Can I start searching for different job opportunities?

Are you in a high-conflict relationship?

• Do I start my own therapy or see if my partner is willing to attend couples counselling?

• Can I start making plans to separate?

• Can I seek support from family or friends to build my community back up?

Have you realized your drinking has gotten out of control?

• Can I let a trusted loved one know that I want a change?

• Do I attend a AA meeting?

• Can I set some goals and research some ideas?

• Do I reach out to therapist or counsellor?

Do you take on too many things at once?

• Can my partner take some responsibilities off my plate?

• Can I hire someone to help with… (cleaning, yard work, childcare, dog-walking etc.)?

• Do I start saying “no” to more things?

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Stress is so common in adult-life. What we want is to acknowledge that persistent stress is not a way to live. Sleepless nights or snapping at your spouse because of “stress” is a sign that you are overwhelmed. 

Hopefully these strategies can be helpful in getting you started in managing stress more helpfully.

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Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.