The present day understanding of the phrase “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” is saying to try harder and make more effort.

It’s saying rely on you and only you; You don’t need any outside help.

Also, if you just try harder you will succeed or accomplish the thing.

It ultimately tells me that any failure or current struggle is a reflection of my lack of motivation, and desire and efforts to change or fix.

What are the consequences of believing “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”?

As well, we don’t just simply get over emotion because we decide it’s time to move on and “pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” This is so true when we think of mental health and the stigma of accessing help. There can be shame in feeling emotional pain or suffering, thinking we should just be able to deal. Many only get help for their emotional or mental health when they finally reach ‘crisis’. What if leaning on others sooner were more accepted?

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps says “get over it”

It’s saying “get over it.” It’s sending the message:

That thing that keeps you up at night? Get over it. It’s not that big of a deal.

The deep feeling of emptiness and hopelessness? Get over it and suck it up.

That goal you didn’t reach that was really important to you? Get over it. Your feelings don’t matter.

Get over it is saying the emotions that you are feeling are either not valid or you shouldn’t still be feeling them (or both).

There are studies that tell us the more of certain childhood experiences leave you more risk you are for chronic disease for example. The take-away here is that if you don’t process your emotions and painful experiences, it has negative consequences. Pretending and pushing away feelings doesn’t work.

I’ll specify that pushing away feelings can be a short-term solution in certain situations. So I’m not talking about putting aside upset feelings about the fight you had with your spouse so you can take a work call. That’s fine. This is about persistently how you interact with your emotions.

We are interdependent people. If you believe we are not, then you cannot see how others are intertwined with you overcoming and getting ahead. For example, I rely on you to stop at a red light in order to feel and be safe. All aspects of our lives are set up this way. There may be ways that others are actually helping you and allowing you to perceive yourself as relying on only you and that only your strong efforts lead to your success. 

Importantly, we all have capacity. Capacity is based on so many factors: Current mood, available time, other priorities, and current physical state including fatigue, hunger, illness. Perseverance and effort does not give us more capacity when we don’t have it. If your tank is empty then it is. 

There may also be barriers that we cannot have influence. We must accept this. You don’t just get over your mental illness for example by trying harder. You don’t just get out of financial difficulty as a single parent with no care by working 24.7. It is so much more complicated.

Why do we need to make things harder than they need to be?

Purposeful struggle and making things hard is not something to strive for or be proud of. Some people struggle because they genuinely don’t have the resources to make their hurdles less burdensome. If you have people in your life or other resources that you can lean on or just bring along for the ride, then practise ease and be grateful you have relationships and community.

Ultimately, let’s stop believing and putting this idea or advice on ourselves and others. Sometimes you can’t get over it when you want or the thing you didn’t accomplish wasn’t because of lack of effort.

Check out this article if you want to learn about the real origin of the phrase, that actually meant something different.

Why The Phrase 'Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps' Is Nonsense | HuffPost Entertainment

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.