It’s common understanding that men are less emotional. Of course this is a sweeping generalisation, but has some truth to it. A place where we go wrong is thinking they’re just born this way or that’s just how it is. This isn’t true. Men do have emotions and also there are reasons why they may show them less.

Why might we see men as less emotional?

Now, you may be someone who is repelled or uncomfortable by anyone who is emotional. To make sure we are doing this example justice, think about how different your reaction would be if a woman was sitting with you who had been going through a hard time. She then begins to sob. In this situation, is your internal feeling different? What are your thoughts and reactions? What do you say to her (or not say)?

It’s important to note too, that men are less likely to seek help for mental health or emotional issues. They are less likely to seek a counsellor or therapist to talk about their struggles, emotions, and acknowledge their thoughts.

Discouragement through messaging

Even if you weren’t explicitly taught by your caregivers that emotions are weak, men receive messages in other ways.

We can get messages from commercials, movies, or other media about how a man acts who then goes on to get praise, respect, or female attention. Who was the “hero” you looked up to? Who did you think was the coolest guy and mimicked yourself to be?

It’s not just media we get messages from. Importantly, we get messages too from how other people in our lives respond to things. For example:

• If we give our mom a hug as we get dropped off at school and your buddies laugh, that’s a message.

• If you get upset and cry, and you don’t receive comfort like your sister does, that’s a message.

You may believe these experiences seem small, but a lifetime of little messages to ‘keep it in’ or ‘suck it up’ is impactful.

The exception: Anger

Anger is an emotion. So when a man is expressing anger and aggression, that is being emotional.

We don’t often recognize this because it’s a more socially accepted form of expression for men.

When we are not in touch with our emotions and/or don’t express them in their true form, many men gravitate towards anger as the go-to form of expression.

If this is the only time you are emotional, it may be a sign your emotional lexicon is limited and you may benefit from support in better understanding your feelings.

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.