I think we can all relate to being irritable at times. It happens. What happens when irritability starts to disrupt your life though? A common example is that others begin to feel like they are “walking on eggshells” around you because of your irritability. That persistent feeling of irritability and its effects on you and others is something that can use some clarification. Let’s explore what irritability actually means and identify ways to see it differently that will be helpful in knowing how to move forward.

What causes you to be irritable?

There are many things that can get you to reach your limit and cause you to show up as irritable.

This list is not exhaustive. These are all examples of experiences that will take an emotional toll on you, no matter if you are the master of emotions or seasoned pro at emotion regulation techniques.

These are impactful experiences that require our emotional energy to manage.

So when we add anything else that requires emotional engagement ON TOP of the many experiences that are already going on in our lives, our body signals its limit. That is where we see the irritability. Your body is saying no.

How to understand your irritable mood better:

Along with past and current experiences that are causing emotional drain and irritability, there can be certain situational causes too. Think about situations where you walk in and feel your prickly side emerge aka irritability. Possible examples are family gatherings, doctors office, or  work. These are important to identify as sensitive spots that trigger irritability because then we know and can tell ourselves: 

“My emotional capacity when I go to a family dinner is limited. I will get irritable. I need to have a plan to exit a conversation, task, or the event entirely when I reach that limit.”

Stop comparing.

“Well they can handle this…”

“Why am I so sensitive to…”

Your life experience and current situation is different. 

Maybe you think the things going on in your life are not big enough or worthy enough in others eyes to be really emotionally draining. It doesn't matter. If you are showing up as irritable, it means whatever is going on with you is causing enough drain that you have reached your limit. So I don’t care if you are depressed, or a parent, or your childhood was a long time ago, everyone experiences things differently and will have different capacities.

Final thoughts on irritability

This article explains why you may be irritable and how to understand it better, with emphasis on everyone having a limit to their emotional capacity. I want to add that this capacity can be improved in many instances. It is why I do therapy and am a fan of it: we may not be able to change some life circumstances ie. what happened in the past or current situations, BUT we can get better at managing emotions and shifting the way we see things. This can increase our capacity to tolerate and limit emotional drain that causes irritability.

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.