Whether you’re a man who has been to therapy before or you are thinking about going for the first time, it can be confusing to know what to expect. As a therapist for men, here are a few tips I want every man to know before they begin.

Men, you can find help in therapy for struggles like:

• Managing emotions (ex. Anger , sadness, resentment)

• Relationship difficulties (ex. Conflict with a partner, dating, parenting)

• Grief or loss (ex. A loved one, pet, or even a job)

• Big life changes (ex. Retirement, break-up/divorce, empty-nesting, new dad)

• Stress (ex. Feeling overwhelmed by work, parenting, finances, physical health)

• Substance use or other addiction (ex. Drinking too much, consumed with video games)

• Low self-esteem (ie. No longer feel confident day-to-day, highly critical of yourself)

Etc. Etc.

You may be able to identify the problem that you are struggling with (like above), but even if you are unsure what is wrong, therapy is a good option to sort it out. Sometimes we just feel “stuck” or “lost” and can’t pinpoint why.

You may see therapists specializing in certain areas too. For example, I specialize in therapy for men who have difficulty managing emotions without shutting down or exploding with anger, which causes issues in their relationships. If you are looking for someone to help with your marriage though you might search for “couples counselling,” or for help with drinking you might search for “alcohol counsellor” or “addiction therapy”.

This is helpful for if you want to see someone with experience working specifically with the issue you are coming to therapy for.

This is why many people will consult with a few therapists when looking for a therapist. Many therapists will have free consultations for this purpose, so you can ask some questions and test out the waters. If you get a few sessions in and realize it’s not a fit then, that is okay too. Please know that therapists understand this and can help you search for a better fit if you choose.

An important section in the paperwork you’ll want to note is the confidentiality part. Psychotherapy is confidential, BUT there are exceptions. This means, there are certain times when a therapist may have to provide your information to an outside party. This varies depending on where you live (province, state, country); common exceptions though are when a child is in danger, you are a serious threat to harm yourself, or if there is a court order. Again, read it over so you know exactly when these times will be, so you are not surprised. 

Another important section is fees, cancellations, and rescheduling policies. All of these areas vary from therapist to therapist. Know what you’re paying, when you are allowed to cancel, and if there are cancellation fees.

Focus on you.

One trap that men can fall into in therapy is losing focus on themselves. You might want to talk about all the stressful things in your life, like your marriage or partner, job, parenting, or just all the other things pissing you off. This can feel really good to get off your chest. It can’t stop there though.

Men, in therapy, you have to shift to looking at you. This means looking at how YOU see the world, unhelpful thoughts, and painful feelings. Understanding yourself better can then help you understand there are ways for you to adjust to all the stressful things outside of yourself.

Find the parts of your situation that you can take responsibility for.

Focusing on you is more empowering at the end of the day. If you wait around for everyone else to change, it might make you feel worse.

Commitment to therapy also means committing to do the work.

It is a misconception that the therapists’ job is to tell you what to do or make the changes for you. Therapy is collaborative. Your therapist is helping you help yourself. This is because you are not meant to become reliant on your therapist.

Therapists want you to walk away from therapy feeling confident to manage your struggles on your own.

This means doing the leg work in therapy. This might look like:

• Having questions or topics ready for your sessions

• Thinking about goals

• Reflecting after each session

• Journaling about what you are learning and experiencing

• Being curious about yourself and your behaviour

Another important part of committing to therapy is communication and honesty.

If something isn’t working in therapy or you don’t understand, let your therapist know. This might look like:

• Let them know about an area you want to explore further

• Identifying a strategy that didn’t work for you 

• You feel like they’re pushing you too hard or not enough

• Telling them they misunderstood what you said, then clarifying

Do you have tips for men going to therapy?

The tips I have provided for men going to therapy are ones I would want any of the men I work with to know before attending. You might have a different experience though, and see that I am missing something here. Is there:

• Something you wish you knew before going to therapy for the first time as a man?

• Something a man close to you did not understand before going to therapy, and it ruined their experience?

• Something as a fellow therapist or helping professional you wish men understood before going to therapy so their experience could be that much better?

If so, please comment with your tips for men going to therapy below!

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.