Low self esteem means you lack confidence that who you are and what you do is good enough. Men who suffer with low self esteem may feel incompetent and inadequate in their relationships and daily lives. As a therapist for men, I want to provide men with the tools to start to combat this.

Before I do, I will give you some signs of what low self-esteem looks like for men:

• Self-deprecating humour

• Fixating on or conflating importance of physical appearance

• Critical of self and others

• False confidence through being the loudest and centre of attention

• People-pleasing by ignoring your own feelings, wants, and needs in service of theirs

• Jealousy or envy, like looking to what others have and being possessive in relationships

• Difficulty receiving feedback

• Even when you receive validation, it is never enough

• Unwarranted competitiveness

So men, ask yourself:

• When do I feel most incompetent or inadequate?

• What do I often criticize myself about?

• What do I fear people would see if they saw the REAL me?

Make a list of:

• What you are doing right.

• What you like about yourself.

• The body part you are most confident in.

• An accomplishment you are proud of.

• What personality trait would feel the best to get a compliment about.

• Your best quality as a partner, a friend, a dad.

If this list is difficult, remember its practice. I bet you've started a new skill, hobby, or job that you were not so great at in the beginning. This is the same. List as much as you can and come back to it another day.

Another tip to get this list going is to ask others. Yes, it can take bravery to ask others what they like about you or what you do well, but they’ve stuck around for a reason and I bet they have good insight.

Prioritizing healthy relationships can create a felt sense of security that feels less like you’re alone and unloved.

Good relationships can increase self-esteem, even if they are not long lasting. Having the experience of a healthy partnership can be a corrective experience. It counteracts those negative things you believe about yourself; it’s combatting your low self esteem.

There are many lists out there on Google, but here are some examples of values that may help grow your self esteem:

• Forgiveness

• Patience

• Trust

• Courage

• Wisdom

• Self-respect

• Environment

• Family

• Ambition

• Community

• Kindness

• Teamwork

• Equality

• Growth

• Humility

The values inventory helps you take actions in your life that you can take pride in. Slowly you’ll reinforce how valuable, worthy, and capable you are.

Consider Therapy

Finally, know that stuff takes time. Psychotherapy or counselling can be a great way to get support when wanting to improve your self-esteem. A therapist can help you see your patterns, behaviours, and feelings from another perspective, and help you build skills.

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.