There are many reasons why you may have difficulty taking responsibility for your actions. I can for sure tell you though, having difficulty with taking responsibility is something you learned along the way. Here are 5 common reasons people have difficulty taking responsibility:

This can lead to you doing the same, which is very annoying when often we think: I don’t want to be that way. It is hard to shake the repeated lessons we learned and absorbed when at a young age because that is when your brain is growing and creating those neural pathways that set the groundwork for life. It’s even more ingrained if you didn’t have others in your life that modelled other behaviour.

3. Difficulty taking responsibility for your actions can be about low self-esteem.

If you struggle with low self-esteem or self-worth, not taking responsibility for your actions is a behaviour you can fall into. This is because you already feel bad about yourself. You already feel shame about who you are. 

When you struggle with self-esteem, you may behave in ways that I define as “pretending”. You try to put a certain image of yourself out there to others because you believe the “real” you isn’t good enough and at risk of being rejected by others. 

When you mess up, which you inevitably will because you’re human, it threatens to unveil the “mask” you wear. Finding a way to not have to take responsibility for your actions is a way to get yourself out of the situation, to combat the threat.

If this was how you saw confrontation or conflict being handled, you naturally will find a way to make these situations go away. You want to keep the peace. You are afraid of the response if you were to take responsibility for your actions.

How can I work on taking responsibility for my actions?

One way to get started on taking responsibility for your actions is to ‘play out the tape’. This means imagine what would come next if you were to take responsibility for my actions.

Ask yourself:

• If I admitted I messed up, what would happen next?

• What would you feel like?

• What would your inner dialogue be?

• What would it say about you?

• How might other people react?

• What impact would this have?

By ‘playing out the tape’ you gain understanding of what the fear is. The fear that stops you from taking responsibility.

• Would it feel like shame? Failure? embarrassment?

• Would your inner dialogue be negative, like now that person knows i'm not worth it,

• Would admitting you’re wrong say that you’re weak? A screw-up? Not good enough?

• Would other people be mad at you? Would your partner want to leave you?

• Would the façade of confidence be chipped away at, where others might see you don't have it all together? 

Remember, you can’t make a plan to do better unless you gather the information first to tell you where to go. Start by understanding what the fear is.

Also, these reasons for not taking responsibility for your actions in this article are examples of common reasons, and may not reflect your personal experience. It may be helpful to explore this with a mental health professional.

Disclaimer: This is general advice. Like all self-help information, it is not personal and tailored to fit for all people and situations. This content should not be taken as a substitute for individual mental health or relationship support.